


hold on to me, i'll burn out slowly

by theothercatherine



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Catherine of Aragon was there for like a second, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, References to Depression, cathy is a bit depressed, yh so this is a vent fic i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:06:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27407788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theothercatherine/pseuds/theothercatherine
Summary: Catherine Parr is struggling with her mental health, luckily she has Anne to hold her when her world comes crumbling down.
Relationships: Anne Boleyn & Catherine Parr, Anne Boleyn/Catherine Parr
Comments: 11
Kudos: 53





	hold on to me, i'll burn out slowly

**Author's Note:**

> hello, so i haven't posted anything in like forever and i'm sowwie (pls send requests to my tumblr because i want to write parrlyn again i guess)
> 
> ALSO I DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE CATALINA EVIL ilove her xx

Cathy sat staring at the kitchen counter, shoulders hunched and too tired to sleep. Was that even possible? She was so tired, her brain foggy, but so awake at the same time. She hated having her weekly day off. Especially when it got late, and she was just waiting for the other queens to return. It was so dark and quiet, vastly and lonely, and she didn't want to move an inch. Actually that wasn’t the truth, generally she liked the night. Because it was dark and quiet and still, because the world was alive and thriving outside, and she could easily reach out and let that energy fill her veins. Her best ideas always came and night. But not on nights like this.

Running her shaking hand through her hair, she sighed. She definitely had issues, she knew that. It wasn’t something she denied necessarily, but she kept things to herself most of the time. Not wanting to bother the other girls with it. They had her own problems.  
She shouldn’t have these thoughts, she knew, and she was working on being better, at knowing herself and taking care of herself. And she’d made so much progress over the past months. But that didn’t mean it was easy, that didn't mean she didn’t have bad nights, especially when she was alone, on nights light these. It actually meant she needed the other queens. Which is probably why it hurt so much when all her relationships were slowly falling apart, whether she shared, whether she opened up and asked for support explicitly; because she just wanted someone to not be put off by the not-so-strong, not-so-solid and the not-so-shiny parts of her.

She had never much liked asking for help. She could’ve done better at writing her song and helping with the music or the costumes for the shows like the other queens did. But asking for help wasn’t something she was good at. In fact, it was one of the very little things she absolutely despised. Even though Anne and Catalina had offered her their help.  
Not even just them, all of her fellow queens offered their help. But it was help she didn't want (didn’t know how to accept.) Catalina had just frowned and left her alone with her thoughts, Anne on the other hand didn’t. She accepted it that Cathy didn’t want to talk about her feelings with her. She understood it. Anne was a very private person as well, never sharing her thoughts or her problems with the other queens. She just silently kept her company, spending time with her even though they only talked on rare occasions.

Cathy enjoyed spending time with Anne more than she liked to admit. Anne made her feel strangely at peace with herself, it was like all of her constantly rushing thoughts just stayed still for a moment, a few hours. Anne didn’t push her and accepted it when Cathy wasn’t in a talking mood. That was a common thing for Cathy, the not wanting to talk. She didn’t know why. She always used to raise her voice, she even stated it in the show, which made it only more ironic that sometimes her voice wasn’t cooperating with her. She hated it. Feeling helpless, sometimes on the verge of tears. Anne didn’t judge her, none of the other girls did. Anne had figured it out pretty quickly and informed the other queens about it. Some of them were confused at first, but they had still accepted it (not like they had any other chance.)

She sighed and checked the clock hanging in the kitchen. Almost 11 pm, the others should be home in a few minutes, Anne had probably texted her the minute she stepped of the stage, then later when they all got changes and then when they were in their cars on their way back. But Cathy almost never replied to those texts, it wasn’t like she didn’t want to she just had a hard time to complete simple tasks when no one encouraged her to do them. Anne never complained though. She never rushed her. Anne never did anything to upset her, yet Cathy felt like she always hurt Anne by being the way she was.

Maybe she was just imagining it, but it felt like she was hurting them all because they recently started offering taking over her shows on random days that weren't her usual show day off. She knew that they didn't mean it in a mean way but it made her feel like a burden to all of them. Slowly but surely they took over all her responsibilities around the house but no one ever said anything. Cathy didn’t say anything. Whilst she felt relieved that she didn’t have to force herself to do these tasks anymore, she realized how hard it had become for her to do complete easy. But she wasn’t stupid. She could feel the tension in the air when the others were around her, trying to make everything seem normal and completely fine but failing, and she knew that she needed to get hold herself together, if not for herself, for the other girls.

So she tried to distract herself when she was alone, her eyes glued to her laptop for hours on end without even doing a single thing, never finishing a single piece of writing and forgetting every single detail of the films she tied watching within the first twenty minutes. She usually forced herself to sleep before the other queens got home, but she found it hard to find sleep while being the only person in the house. She wasn’t scared of being alone, she was only scared of being left alone - Anne realized that pretty quickly and started sending her messages whenever something interesting happened. Whenever her phone would light up with a notification she smiled to herself but on some evenings replying was hard for her, but Anne would never mention it. Whenever she didn’t get a reply she treated her differently, more gentle and careful than her usual hyper self would act around her. Cathy felt horrible for restricting Anne in that way.

Show days were a different thing though, she still had trouble getting out of bed but it was a little bit easier knowing that they weren’t going to leave her alone for the evening. Anne sometimes brought her a cup of coffee to her bed in the morning which she always gratefully accepted her day would just go on with getting ready and heading to the theatre. Actually doing the show was always tiring but at least she felt something from it, seeing the different faces in the audience each night was something that made her feel somewhat happier than usual and always left her in a rush of adrenaline.

After waiting for what felt like hours she finally heard one of the cars parking in their driveway, but she didn’t bother moving from where she was sitting at the kitchen counter. She could definitely hear Anne’s voice from outside since the window was still open because she didn’t close it earlier. Their front door opened, and she could hear the chatter coming from her friends, identifying them as Catherine, Jane and Anne. Their conversation was soon replaced by Anne stepping out of the hallway into the dark kitchen, making Cathy flinch and Anne almost stumble back.

“Jesus Cathy, you scared the shit out of me.” She laughed, still recovering from her small shock. She didn’t expect Cathy to sit there, well maybe, but not in the pitch black dark.  
“Sorry.” Cathy hastily breathed out before running a shaky hand through her curls and studying Anne’s face. Was she mad at her? No, Anne was definitely smiling even though her smile was turning into a concerned grimace. “Oh shit, are you okay?” Anne then asked her before starting to move closer to her. Cathy almost tripped over when she tried to get up from the kitchen chair she was sitting on.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Her voice was thick and Anne glanced questioningly at her hand that was holding onto the counter for support. “Did you eat and drink enough today?” She asked instead of questioning her well being again, because she had realized that Cathy wasn't going to tell her the truth. Cathy frowned she couldn’t even remember what she did today. “I think so.” She quietly responded. “You think so?” Anne chuckled at her response and Cathy could feel her face turning red. “I think I had some soup after you left and then just coffee I guess.” She explained while helplessly shrugging her shoulders.

In the same moment Catherine walked into the room and turned the light on, making Cathy flinch again. She had that sad and disappointed look on her face while she stared at Cathy and Anne both standing centimetres away from each other. “Are you okay?” She immediately asked Cathy, ignoring Anne. Cathy who was still standing close to Anne shuffled away from her, earning a confused look from the green queen, before she turned to Catherine to assure her that she was completely fine (even though she was sure that she would break down if one more person would ask her the same question.)

Cathy hated seeing that look on Catherine’s face. She knew that her godmother was probably so disappointed in her, staying up late even though it was her day off, not eating properly, she could continue the list, but she made a mental note to not do this to herself right now. She closed her eyes for a few seconds longer than necessary. “I’m good, thank you for asking though. I’m just a bit tired.” She explained in a small voice.

It was almost like Catherine didn’t even look at her, she looked right past her but quickly nodded and mumbled a good night to the last queen. What Cathy didn’t know was that Anne shot her a death glare, signalling her to let her handle the situation before she made it worse. (It wasn’t Catherine’s intention, she only wanted Cathy to be happy of course, just like Anne and everyone else, she just didn’t know ho to approach Cathy in moments like this.

“Hey Cathy, do you want to go upstairs now?” Anne carefully asked her after a moment of silence which Cathy used to take some shallow breaths. She was so overwhelmed, all her thoughts and concerns were buzzing inside her head. She didn’t even hear Anne’s question until she softly repeated it after gently nudging her shoulder. It wasn’t an easy decision, well it maybe was. She craved Anne’s soft words and tender embrace, but she knew it was selfish to think like that. Cathy found it terrifying how much she depended on Anne, yet she slightly nodded and let herself be guided into her own room.

Her room was a mess, she didn’t have the energy to make her bed today (well, her bed hadn’t been made in weeks) and there were countless pages full of smudged handwriting all over her room. Writing down her thoughts had become strangely comforting to her. Her floor was covered in clothing, dirty laundry and random pieces of clothing she pulled out her dresser without putting them back or wearing them. Overall it was embarrassing. But Anne knew what her room looked like, but Anne also knew what her room used to look like. Perfect and clean, she used to make her bed every day, her desk had never been messy. But well, that perfect version of her was long gone.

Anne hesitated for a moment, Cathy was just staring at the mess in front of them, completely frozen. Anne quickly decided that her room would be the better option for them right now, so she closed Cathy’s door again and grabbed her hand to pull her up to her attic bedroom. Not that her room would look any better, but at least Cathy was used to her mess. Cathy had always called it ‘organized chaos’ even though Anne knew she had only said that to make her feel better.

The door behind them closed and something inside Cathy broke. All the tension and emotion she tried to hold in over the past hours came crashing down on her. Her breathing became more shallow, and she could feel the tears threatening to spill over, her vision becoming blurry. In her panic she stumbled back, tripped and landed on Anne’s hard wooden floor.  
She closed her eyes and hugged her knees to her chest, hot overwhelming tears streaming down her cheeks. Lost in her spiralling thoughts she completely forgot Anne who had kneeled down beside her. Cathy suddenly felt a hand on her back making her flinch and suddenly opening her eyes, realizing that Anne was sitting on the floor with her. She didn’t leave her, she never would (Cathy wouldn’t be able to cope with it).

Anne’s heart was aching for the girl in front of her, but she didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. “Come here,” She offered and opened her arms, only for Cathy to immediately lunge forward into Anne’s embrace. “It’s okay, just let it out.” Anne continued to whisper into Cathy’s hair. Her face was pressed into Anne’s shoulder, hands balled into fists while sobs shook her entire body. She tried to muffle her voice, terrified of anyone except for Anne hearing her meltdown, while Anne stroked her hair and whispered that she was safe and everything would be okay (Cathy wanted to believe that).

Cathy’s heavy sobs had turned into quiet tears streaming down her face and the occasional hoarse sob forcing its way out of her throat. “I can’t do this anymore,” Cathy choked out and Anne’s heart ached for the smaller girl right in front of her.  
“Shh, it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay, just breathe for me okay?” Anne gently whispered, her hands rubbing soothing circles on Cathy’s back.  
They had changed their uncomfortable positions, so Cathy was almost sitting on Anne’s lap now, Anne’s arms around her shoulders while Cathy held on to Anne’s jumper like her life depended on her (it did). Her meltdown lasted for what felt like hours, exhaustion slowly overcoming her body. She was far from relaxed but at least she wasn’t sobbing heavily anymore. She still had silent tears streaming down her face. She shook trying to muffle the rest of her sobs, it made Anne wonder how many nights she had spent like this without anyone noticing.

Anne was the first one to pull away after she felt Cathy getting heavier, like she was almost asleep. It startled Cathy, and she only held tighter onto Anne’s shirt before Anne carefully wiped away Cathy’s tears. The gesture made Cathy only cry harder. Anne studied her face, wishing for more light but the only light was the soft yellowish light seeping in from the street lamp outside the window. The strange light illuminated Cathy’s face making her seem even paler than usual. Cathy let out a heavy sigh before closing her eyes.

“Hey, don’t fall asleep on the floor,” Anne whispered gently before stroking Cathy’s curls out of her face. “‘m tired and you’re comfy.” Cathy finally said after a few deep breaths. Her voice was hoarse from crying and it sounded painful, which was reasonable after her meltdown.  
“My bed is even comfier,” Anne gently convinced Cathy to get up from her lap, earning a muffled sigh before Cathy finally pulled away. “Let’s get you into bed.”

Anne pulled them both into a standing position, Cathy leaning heavily against Anne, who had put an arm around her waist, gently supporting her.  
“Is it okay if I turn the lights on?” Anne asked and Cathy nodded hesitantly.  
Cathy looked even worse than before, the light made her squeeze her eyes shut at first, only making a few more tears leak out of her eyes. Anne didn’t waste a second before gently wiping her tears away, her hand lingered a little longer than necessary on Cathy’s cheek.

The taller girl guided them both to her bed, Cathy immediately curling up into a ball, her knees hugged tightly to her chest. Since Cathy was already wearing comfy clothes she didn’t want to bother her with making her change into pyjamas, so she only made sure that Cathy would be okay. Cathy nodded and Anne quickly changed into a shirt and some shorts and hastily removed her makeup and brushed her teeth in the bathroom. When she got back to her room she found Cathy half asleep in her bed. The girl must’ve been so exhausted from crying that she immediately fell asleep, at least her breathing was calm and even now.

Anne turned the light off and quickly climbed into bed with her, covering both of them with her blankets, making sure not to wake the sleeping girl up. Except for that Cathy wasn’t asleep already and lunged herself at Anne, making her put her arm around Cathy’s waist. Cathy had always been really clingy, especially towards her, but Anne didn’t mind. She cared for the girl deeply and only wanted her to be happy. Of course, she had noticed her receding mental health, but she couldn’t do anything about it except for offering her to talk about it, even though Cathy never talked about it. At least Cathy let Anne comfort her.

“I’m sorry,” Cathy whispered, their faces only inches apart from each other. Because Cathy was truly sorry, Anne shouldn’t have to deal with this, she deserved better than her.  
“Don’t be, love,” Anne replied, bringing one hand up to stroke Cathy’s cheek. She leaned into her touch, closing her eyes again. “But I am. God, I’m such a mess,” She breathed out before Anne pulled her close again. Cathy’s face was buried against her shirt, and she could feel Anne pressing a kiss on top of her head.  
“Let’s talk about this tomorrow, okay?” Anne suggested and felt Cathy nod against her shirt and whispering ‘Goodnight’ and ‘I love you’. Her last three words weren’t unheard but Anne convinced herself that Cathy was too tired to think. Anne continued to stroke her hair until she was sure that Cathy was asleep.  
“Goodnight, I love you too,” She whispered against Cathy’s curls before she let herself drift off to sleep. What she couldn’t see was Cathy smiling against her shirt.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading, pls leave a comment if you enjoyed it  
> would mean a lot to me <3
> 
> my tumblr is @theothercatherine


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